Voodoo

Somewhere someone has a voodoo doll of me. Last night s/he kept throwing me against a wall, then decided to stomp on me, do a little dance. I swear. Take that, Ms. K, I couldn’t go snowboarding because of my detention. They took my X-box away! It’s so pathetic, and I can hardly tell the story (again) without laughing at myself. My colleagues in the science department were in tears as I told them during lunch.

After school I went home quickly and changed, and then went to the gym. After that I stopped by my parents’ for a few minutes to visit before heading down the street to my nail salon. I stopped at the grocery store on my way home for salad bar for dinner, as I was craving a salad that would not require any slicing or dicing or protein preparation on my part. I went home and ate it. And the next thing I knew, I ached from head to toe.

How sad! How inexplicable! I considered that maybe I was flu-ish but I didn’t have a fever. I hadn’t been in a fender bender, although I remember feeling that way after being in one years ago. I certainly did not recall being run over by an eighteen-wheeler. And 45 minutes on a treadmill should not render such a result.

I just needed a good 800 milligrams of ibuprofen…but I didn’t have any in the house! And I hurt too much to go out and get some. Seriously. Instead, I got out the Icy Hot and rubbed it on the tops of my feet and the back of my neck. I wondered if it would work on my aching hips. For God’s sake I wondered if I should rub some on my a*s, as that almost hurt, too. I covered up with my fleece blanket and did nothing until I went up to bed at 9 o’clock.

This morning I was good as new. Rested. Feeling perfect.

More evidence that someone is practicing voodoo on me. No?