The Great Depression

It's been a pretty crappy year. It hasn't been ALL crappy, of course. I've had some happiness this year, too, but I've had more sadness this year than I have had in a long, long time. And I've been really sad lately--profoundly, sit-on-the-couch-and-cry sad. I don't talk about it much with people who didn't know Donna, and I'm afraid to reach out to others who loved Donna in case I happen to catch them at a rare moment they're functioning okay and not missing her. In a nutshell: it sucks.

Feeling bereft has left me without a lot of holiday spirit this year. Despite knowing that Donna loved Christmas and a text from Lindsay early in the week that said "It was mom's fave holiday. She'd want us to do it big!," when I woke up yesterday, on December 14, I still hadn't decorated for Christmas. I couldn't put it off any longer. I forced myself to go to the basement and eventually I decorated.

I'm glad I made the effort. I'm a little more in the spirit now and my house looks pretty. I changed things up a bit: everything is not exactly as it has been for the past few years... but I suppose it never will be. And maybe that was the lesson in this. 

Happy Holidays.