Saturday, June 20, 2009


Let's face it. We all have our comfort zone apparel, especially when it comes to undergarments. I am a fan of the camisole, especially under sweaters, and I'm usually loyal to only one brand and style of bra at a time. I find a favorite and buy it in white, black, tan--perhaps in multiples. When it's time for new bras, I'm willing to try something new, to spend that unsettling time in the Macy’s dressing room--with blinding lights and multiple mirrors and my purse propped up against the door--to find a new one that works.

I'm not willing, however, to get used to thongs. Despite the rave reviews of some of my friends who say they're actually really comfortable (yeah, right), I have but two words.

Ass floss.

Weren't wedgies the number one form of playground torture, the original form of bullying? Come on, now! How can that be comfortable?

Maybe you need to start young, or younger than I was when I made my attempt. I hate to make this analogy, but my guess is that anyone who tries a beer for the first time at 30 is going to find it bitter and will probably not make the effort to acquire the taste. If on the other hand, you started young (but legal, of course), it probably tastes pretty good. Similarly, if for decades you enjoy not having anything wedged between your butt cheeks, then it's pretty unlikely you'll want to get used to the sensation. Your constant desire to remove the offending fabric will make you realize that thongs just aren't for you.

If they are?... Well, then, I am uncharacteristically speechless. Floss on.

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