Road Trip

On my recent trip out west, I got to spend time with my friend Jill, whom I have known since I was 12. It has been quite a journey for us, beginning that day we met in the park, doing something no 12 year olds should ever do. Even in the seventies. We have been through middle school, high school, college, our twenties, our thirties (probably the bumpiest of decades), and now we are in our--dare I say it aloud-- late forties.

On this latest leg of our journey we found ourselves on a short road trip from San Diego to meet my cousins in Laguna Beach. Just after we pulled away from the gas station, when Jill immediately had to crank the air conditioner because I had been sitting there sweating--despite open windows, no humidity, and a nice breeze--she suggested we come up with a list of things you'll never hear a menopausal woman say.

Ten minutes later, we had most of our list. We tweaked, reworded, and had only a couple more to come up with. I finished the list just yesterday, and consulted with Jill to make sure she would stand by the list before I hit publish. And so here it is, the list.

10 Things You'll Never Hear a Menopausal Woman Say

1. It's cold in here.
2. My hair is so thick, silky and smooth.
3. This is my natural color
4. Wow, that was a good night's sleep; I didn't wake up once. Not even to pee.
5. I haven't cried in months!
6. I'm late for my period--do you think I could be pregnant?
7. I don't understand the point of pantyliners.
8. As much as I eat, I just can't seem to gain any weight!
9. I'm so sad to see my period go.
10. I'm going to miss having cramps.

One thing you will hear me say, often and sincerely, is that I am incredibly blessed to have friends--Jill and others, some nowhere near menopause-- with whom to share this long, drawn out, incredibly inconvenient and sometimes embarrassing end of fertility that is menopause.